Change happens, and I don't know a survivor who lines up for their next dose of it. That makes me really normal. If you've read my book, Becoming One, you know my story. For those who don't: I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder in 1991, (now properly referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder). I charged headlong into my therapy and recovery the next four years, and in doing so, found my many voices in my writing. My successes accumulated in stages of stabilization, inner cooperation, and ultimately to what I believed was my final integration. I had to leave that belief open to revision because my integration was still very new and experts say you need to be fully integrated for at least two years before any claims to it will stick. Even then, life happens. There is no way to predict outcomes when the changes are unknown.

My book, published in 1997, documented my intense therapy process in an authentic way, meaning it was not reconstructed from memories. My writings, since childhood, bore witness to my struggles and openly identified other people in me. The audiotaped therapy hours produced transcripts which could not be refuted. What I once believed was incontrovertible proof that I was crazy, instead completely exonerated me.

As I finished my book, I became increasingly involved with the online survivor community, the culmination of which was creation of The Survivors Forum on CompuServe (since closed). I was very busy doing things I loved, and though most of the changes were positive, they still carried stress and inordinate demands on my time and inner resources.

Starting in 2000, my life became an unwanted series of losses which left me feeling out of control and confused. I spent time in some dark recessed places. It's been a very long way back, and few people know "the rest of my story". (I am in debt to those who do beyond measure.) In the coming months, this space will spell things out - for me as well as you. Like so many things in the life of a survivor, the story needs to be both paced and restorative. I hope you will see it to the finish with me, because we all can learn something about the renewal of hope, trust, and love.